Over-apologising in a relationship can be damaging to both the individual and the relationship itself. While apologizing is important for mending mistakes, doing so excessively can have harmful effects. Constantly saying “sorry,” even when you’re not at fault, can chip away at your self-esteem, reinforcing the belief that you’re always in the wrong and leading to feelings of inadequacy. Over time, this can create an unhealthy power imbalance, with one partner feeling inferior. Additionally, when apologies become too frequent, they lose their meaning, making genuine apologies seem less sincere and potentially less valued by your partner.

Mental Health Therapist, Shaurya Gahlawat talks about over apologizing in a relationship on her Instagram handle. She said, “Often, we apologise so frequently that it becomes second nature. Whether it’s a quick “sorry” for being late or a more serious apology for a minor inconvenience, these frequent apologies can undermine our confidence and send mixed signals to others about our self-worth. It’s important to evaluate our tendency to apologise excessively and to consider how this habit affects both ourselves and our interactions with others.”

Here are some ways to stop the habit of over-apologizing:

1. Recognize the root causeOver-apologizing can stem from anxiety, people-pleasing tendencies, or low self-esteem. Identifying the root of your habit will help you address it. According to Shaurya Gahlawat, “Understand why you tend to apologise—whether it’s out of habit, fear of conflict, insecurity, or a need for validation. Identifying the reason can help you address the underlying issue.”
2. Replace apologies with appreciationThe therapist says that it is better to express gratitude instead of constant apologies. She gives the example that instead of “sorry for the wait,” say “thank you for your patience.”
3. Pause and reflectBefore saying sorry, take a moment to assess whether the situation truly warrants an apology. This helps in distinguishing between genuine mistakes and unnecessary apologies.
4. Set boundariesBe mindful of your boundaries and avoid apologizing for them. As per Therapist Shaurya Gahlawat, “It’s okay to prioritize your well-being without always feeling the need to apologise.”
5. Rephrase your languageInstead of saying “sorry” for things that don’t require it, try rephrasing it. For instance, instead of “sorry to bother you,” say “Do you have a moment?” This shift focuses on gratitude and assertiveness rather than guilt, making your communication more positive and confident.If over-apologizing is rooted in deeper emotional or psychological issues like anxiety or past trauma, seeking support from a therapist can help you develop healthier self-esteem and communication skills. While apologies are crucial for maintaining harmony in relationships, over-apologizing can negatively impact self-worth and the relationship dynamic. A balanced approach is essential for mutual respect and healthy communication.